The Scones Of Salem

Lords of Salem came out in 2012 and is the latest horror movie directed by Rob Zombie. Set in modern Salem, Massachusetts, its is highly influenced by '70s satanic cult craze films such as Rosemary's Baby and Suspiria. Atmospheric and slow paced, the viewer starts to feel a bit like the protaganist, as though one is lapsing into insanity.

The movie focuses on witch trials and the plot involves bewitching the town's women. In Heidi's personal life there seems to be a bit of a love triangle and some silent commentary of the safety of single women living alone. Fittingly, the only food in the movie is Tea. Tea as in the afternoon meal, which has long been associated with femininity. The meal provides a couple of clues as to what's going on as Americans have let tea fall out of our culture since the notorious tea parties of the 1770s, it is quite strange that tea (rather than soup and gatorade) is the offering to an ill girl from her Salem born landlady and her sisters. They are possibly the original salem witches, America rejected tea 100 years after their time.

Ah, but Tea can tell us so much more. Tea itself is quite the magical beverage. In fact, there are people that make their fortune on reading the future in tea leaves. Teas have also been used in many cultures to induce psychotropic episodes (much like parts of this movie) and also as medicine. (Surely you've tried Gypsy Cold Comfort when you were desperate for sinus relief? or chamomile to sleep? Peppermint or ginger for a sour stomach?). The particular tea given to Heidi is lemon balm and has a "calming effect". It sure does keep her from leaving or stopping the violence she overhears downstairs.

As Sonny quips, more importantly, there are chocolate chip scones. Baking is indeed magical; it must be, as there are wonderful bakeries  referencing witchery in their names. Making dough, pounding it out, and then baking it is transformative. What you start with does not resemble what you end with, its doesn't even resemble what you mix up halfway through. Once its in the oven, all bets are off. Those scones are also representative of life. Heidi, with a dash of narcotics abuse, a beating down of insanity, baked to perfection until she is ultimately served up and devoured messily and then lauded by the diners. She is the scone amongst scones. And like a great dessert, disappears to wild speculation. Oh Heidi, if only you'd known you were a bag of flour when they picked you out! So easily molded and led astray.

Other consumables worth mentioning: Heroin and Wine- if those aren't potent hallucinogens with effects bordering on magic, i don't know what is. The beauty of the film is that it can be interpreted as one long drug trip or bout of insanity. Or you could take the book's route and believe it all comes down to evil witches.

And this is where I planned to put a scone recipe, pumpkin chocolate chip. I wrote this over a year ago and still haven't published it. I've been so busy at work I haven't tested recipes. So, here's some previews of scone recipe inspiration. Grab a blanket, brew some tea, any of these would make a great movie watching snack:
http://www.healthy-delicious.com/fat-free-golden-squash-biscuits/
http://minimalistbaker.com/pumpkin-sage-biscuits/

Don't forget the sugar cubes for your tea: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2012/04/diy-sugar-cubes-homemade-sugar-cube-recipe.html

I also keep a pinterest board with my inspiration and research for this blog you can check it out here. Be warned, you may see the idea for the extra entry forming.

One day, my blog will have something to say about this.

Recently I found out I can order the famous Twin Peaks Cherry Pie. So, I did. It was indeed a cherry pie that will kill you; arrived at my door wrapped in plastic. There were about 2 yards of plastic wrap on the pie, guess they wanted to make sure it arrived fresh. I'm not sure if it was from all the wrap or if it was on purpose, but this pie had the softest crust I've ever bitten into. It was almost biscuit like, and that's what made it so good. I am not a fan of pie crust, I know its strange, but I'm just not, however, this pie crust was soft, sweet, and held up amazingly well to all of the bright red cherry slurry. My pie crust loving partner also remarked on the crust, so it isn't just crust hating weirdos like me that will appreciate it. Speaking of slurry, i may have mistyped. I couldn't think of a better word for the juicy portion, but the inside is definitely filled with plump whole cherries swimming in bright red sugary deliciousness. If you happen to be driving through North Bend, Washington, or simply live nearby, you should definitely stop into Twede's Cafe and try it. And if you don't live in Washington, well, shipping costs less than a plane ticket in most places.


While Twin Peaks is a show that can stand up to time, to really appreciate it, you have to imagine time before tv was in the renaissance it is in now. Remember the second rate cgi relegated to the television world, the convoluted plot lines to stretch the time limit. Cinematic landscapes a la Walking Dead season 1 didn't exist outside of movieland. Soap Operas ruled the day. Indeed, a soap opera plays in the background of many episodes of Twin Peaks, mirroring the plot of the show. It was a good television show in a time when television wasn't known as good. Dale Cooper put a positive and mystical spin on the disallusion the 90s generation felt.



Cherry Pie is known as an American dessert. Just as Twin Peaks is a small town with a twist, Cherry Pie is the American dessert with character. Its a raunchier pie than apple, often used as innuendo for female sexuality (see: Warrant 1990 Sweet Cherry Pie). Laura Palmer isn't the clean innocent girl she first appears to be, nor is her grieving father; cherry pie is messier and more likely to stain than apple. In 1967, activist H. Rap Brown said, "Violence is a part of America’s culture. It is as American as cherry pie." That perfect flaky crust encloses a messy interior, much as the surface of small town American life hides the struggles and secrets of generations of hidden violence and broken dreams. Its a damn fine slice of life indeed. A little flaky, very sweet, and messy as can be.